I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
