i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
