After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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