1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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