She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
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I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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