she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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