Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
