Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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