Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
