i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
