now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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