on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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