TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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