he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
how does that bad decision feel?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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