Moan for me like Helen Keller
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
