I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
