ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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