I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
