i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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