Michael Bay diarrhea
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
