If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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