Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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