that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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