Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
