I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
