not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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