mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
