for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
