Already got asked if we're dating
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
