i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
