You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
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My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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