just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
