I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
