You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Acid is not a monday night drug
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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