Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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