I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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