I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize