ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
