life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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