When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
