Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
