The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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