Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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