Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
