you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
