Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
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I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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