Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
