Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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