I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
