I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
