You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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