i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize