Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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