Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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