As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
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we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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