Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
