my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
