this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
