that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
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Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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