"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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