my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
