If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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