so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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