she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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