Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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