What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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