Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
