i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
