i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you didnt know i had herpes?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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