My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
