R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
