Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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