is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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