Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
