those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
