I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
