My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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