the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
